


Leaving My Old Self Behind

by Lady Divine (fhartz91)



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dalton Academy, Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Revenge Sex, Romance, Underage Sex, mention of Blaine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 20:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2360879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhartz91/pseuds/Lady%20Divine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heartbroken by the boy he loved going after someone else, Kurt decides to get rid of his silly obsession with romance, starting with the one thing he was waiting to share. Sebastian is all too happy to help him with that, but after the fact, Kurt isn't the only one who ends up heartbroken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaving My Old Self Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for the Kurtbastian Hiatus Project prompt ‘first time’. 
> 
> Dalton AU, angst, underage, warning for revenge sex, and mention of Blaine but not Klaine.

Kurt looks over his shoulder one last time to make sure no one sees him before he heads down the staircase. Of course, if anyone _had_ seen him, they’d know exactly where he’s headed and why. This particular enclosed staircase only leads to one place in Dalton and that’s the boiler room.

The only reason why a student would go down to the boiler room during fifth period study hall (when the maintenance man goes to lunch) is to see _him_.

Sebastian Smythe.

The janitor’s closet in the boiler room is Sebastian’s favorite hangout for anyone interested in a mid-afternoon lay. Kurt rolls his eyes as he imagines clamoring around in a filthy closet with Sebastian Smythe, but the thought isn’t repulsive enough to make him turn around and go back to the library. Kurt is on a mission. For the past week-and-a-half, there is something he’s been eager to get rid of, and this seems like the easiest (though not necessarily the most dignified) way to do it.

Though considering how Kurt had made such an epic fool of himself – pining after Blaine, thinking that Blaine really wanted to be with him, that he was just waiting for the right time to ask Kurt out, that all their flirty duets and coffee dates and late night phone conversations actually meant something, just to watch Blaine sing for and win the heart of another boy - dignity had absolutely nothing to do with it.

It serves him right, being such a hopeless romantic and believing in his heart of hearts that all of those things – all of those apparently platonic, shallow things – were signs of a deeper romance.

There was, however, one conversation that wasn’t shallow, and didn’t seem all that platonic.

The _just-between-friends-what-do-you-imagine-your-first-time-will-be-like_ conversation.

Blaine had started it, but Kurt had finished it, and every word of it was about Blaine.

That was the day before Blaine asked Jeremiah to be his boyfriend, and in front of a crowded GAP store full of witnesses, Jeremiah said yes.

Every sentence out of Blaine’s mouth for days after that started with _Jeremiah said_ and _Jeremiah did_.

It all started to sound the same to Kurt – _Jeremiah blah, blah, blah_.

A few days later, Jeremiah dropped Blaine back at the dorms later than usual after a date to the movies. Blaine walked in with messed up hair, a goofy smile, and a hard to hide limp. Kurt saw him, wrecked but gloriously happy, and he knew. That’s when this admittedly stupid plan was born.

Kurt realized after he saw Blaine that night that he put too much store into romance. After all, it's a dated, old-fashioned concept. Besides himself, are there any other true romantics in the world? Kurt highly doubts it. It could be argued that singing to someone at their work might be considered the height of romance, but to be fair, Blaine had chosen a fairly raunchy song, which most likely explained his willingness to give it up so early in his new relationship.

Kurt stops halfway down the staircase. His heart starts stuttering uncomfortably and he takes a deep breath before he can continue. The air smells like ammonia and CK cologne; the combination of sharp and sickeningly sweet makes his heart stutter more, with the addition of causing his head to swim. The walls shift and then settle back into place when he blinks his eyes.

Kurt reminds himself that he had planned on this, convinced himself that he wanted it – that it was for the best – but the anticipation turned this day into a nightmare. He couldn’t concentrate on school. He couldn’t take notes. He might have even gotten a rare B on a French test. He spent the day envisioning every moment of going down to the boiler room – walking down the smooth marble steps, the light growing darker as he descends, the temperature rising all around. But in his mind, Sebastian waited for him in the janitor’s closet. He doesn’t expect him to be leaning against the door jamb, arms crossed over his chest, one ankle hooked over the other, keeping watch for him.

“Well, well, well,” Sebastian says with a seedy grin, “Kurt Hummel.” He shakes his head in disbelief as Kurt approaches.  Sebastian looks far too pleased to see him. “You know, I thought for sure that text was a prank.”

“Then way did you bother showing up?” Kurt asks, more nervous than he wants to feel.

“Because I was _really_ hoping it would be you.” Sebastian pushes off the wall when Kurt stops in front of him. He looks Kurt up and down, still shaking his head.

“And why is that?” Kurt continues. He might be stalling, not because he’s having second thoughts about going through with this, but he needs time for the frantic fluttering in his stomach to stop first.

“Because I’m working my way through the senior class,” Sebastian says, “and you were definitely the ass I thought I would have to work the hardest to get.”

“Well, here I am,” Kurt says, pulling himself up straight, “so can we please go inside and get this over with?”

“Get _what_ over with, exactly?” Sebastian steps closer, enjoying Kurt’s obvious discomfort.

Kurt steps back, letting out a long breath of aggravation.

“You know _what_ , Sebastian.”

“I just want to hear you say it,” Sebastian says, his hand hovering over the door handle.

“Why do you need me to say it?” Kurt grinds through clenched teeth, the volume of his voice rising with Sebastian’s taunts.

“Because, I know you haven’t done this before,” Sebastian admits, his voice taking on a softer, more compassionate quality, “and I’m just a little curious as to why now…and why me.”

“Tim in my Calculus class said that you would,” Kurt says, his voice threatening to break. “He said you did it for him. He said you get off on it.”

“And I do,” Sebastian says, his normal smug tone making a welcome return.

Smug, conceited, cocky Sebastian, Kurt can deal with.

Curious, considerate, and possibly concerned Sebastian, Kurt wants nothing to do with.

He can’t get through this unless he can dehumanize Sebastian in his head as much as possible.

He’s not a person right now.

He’s a means to an end.

But Sebastian isn’t through with Kurt yet.

“But I thought you were one of those sappy romantic types,” Sebastian presses, “waiting for the right guy, the right moment, the right coordinating outfit.”

Kurt shrugs in his best attempt to look nonchalant while Sebastian’s words worm their way into his not-entirely hardened heart.

“Maybe I was,” he says.

“So, why would you want to throw away your V-card like this?”

“That’s none of your concern,” Kurt replies, tapping his toe in a show of his frustration.

It doesn’t faze Sebastian – not his tapping toe, his defensive stance, or his steely glare. Sebastian stares at Kurt, not making any move to open the door to the closet.

“Does this have anything to do with Blaine and…”

“Look, are we going to do this or not?” Kurt snaps, reaching a breaking point at the mention of Blaine’s name. “Because if you’re not going to do this, I’m sure I can find somebody else.”

“Alright, alright, alright,” Sebastian says. “Sheesh. Don’t blow a gasket.”

Sebastian couldn't care less. He’s done this dozens of times. So, maybe he doesn’t entirely understand why the thought of taking Kurt’s virginity doesn’t sit well with him, but the idea of someone else taking it, of someone else possibly hurting him, wrings Sebastian’s stomach. He turns the doorknob and pushes the heavy door open. He doesn’t say a word, only gestures to the room, and Kurt hurries inside.

The closet is just as horrific as Kurt had imagined. The air around them is disturbingly wet and smells like old sweat socks and mold, but it will have to do.

Beggars can’t be choosers.

Kurt watches Sebastian lock the door, and then set to work moving aside buckets and mops and other cleaning implements that might get in the way.

“And why don’t you do this in your bedroom again?” Kurt asks, using his bitchiness to hide the shaking in his voice.

“I don’t like my room reeking of desperation,” Sebastian sneers. “It’s a clingy smell…hard to get rid of.”

“Can’t you just drown it out with CK?” Kurt asks. “You obviously bathe in the stuff. I could smell it all the way down the stairs.”

Sebastian doesn’t bother defending his choice of scents. He comes up to Kurt, puts an arm around his waist, and leans in close, ready to kiss him. Kurt puts his hands up to Sebastian’s chest and holds him off, pushing him back.

“What are you doing?” Kurt asks, completely appalled.

“Uh, I’m trying to kiss you,” Sebastian says with an amused chuckle.

“Why?” Kurt leans back when all of his attempts to push Sebastian away doesn’t move him. “Why do we need to kiss?”

“Because, that’s how you traditionally start having sex,” Sebastian explains, teasing but not cruelly.

Kurt can’t help his eyes flicking down to Sebastian’s lips as they zero in on his. It’s so tempting to kiss him. Kurt can imagine that a boy with as much practice at the art of kissing as Sebastian must have, has to be an incredible kisser, but Kurt hasn’t done that yet, either, and for some reason, it seems like more of a tragedy throwing _that_ first away than this one.

Kurt needs to remember his objective. He wants sex, not intimacy. Kissing equals intimacy, therefore…

“No,” Kurt says, “no, I don’t want to do that.”

Sebastian pulls away, looking vaguely disappointed.

“Then, what do you want to do, princess?” he asks, the smile on his face looking exceptionally forced.

“I just want to…you know,” Kurt says again, making indecipherable gestures with his hands.

Sebastian watches him struggle, loving his embarrassment and his fumbling almost as much as the promise of getting a chance to have him – even though they’re not exactly off to the best start.

“You know, if you can’t _say_ the word sex, you’re probably not ready to have it,” Sebastian says with a laugh.

It’s the laugh that cracks Kurt. He was prepared to put up with the jokes and the teasing, but being outright laughed at is different.

“I want to have sex with you,” Kurt says, his face turning beet red, “is that what you need to hear? Or would you rather I told you I want you to fuck me? Either way, I want your dick up my ass, and I would appreciate it if we got this over with because I’m having dinner with my dad later and I don’t need _you_ as an excuse for being late!”

Sebastian stares, his smile gone, any other joke he had planned on making wiped from his memory. Kurt doesn’t wait for Sebastian to make the next move. He pulls off his blazer and places it carefully aside, and then starts on the buckle to his belt. Sebastian watches closely. Kurt’s hands shake as he undoes the belt, and he curses as the metal tongue clanks loudly against the frame.

“Just relax,” Sebastian says. He wants to help Kurt with his buckle, but every time he takes a step forward, Kurt takes a step away, so Sebastian stops and starts to take off his own blazer and undo his own pants. “You know, if you keep backing away, we’re never going to do this.” Kurt’s head snaps up at Sebastian’s words, sees him undressing, and he finally gets the belt undone. “Like it or not, I’m going to have to touch you.”

“I know that.” Kurt stops with the belt unbuckled and waits for Sebastian to catch up. “I just…I’m not looking for romance, or kissing, or…”

“Yeah, I know,” Sebastian says. “I get it, but don’t you even want to enjoy it?”

Kurt thinks only a second and then shakes his head. He doesn’t need to lie to Sebastian. He doesn’t care enough to lie.

“It’s not necessary,” Kurt admits.

Sebastian opens his mouth to speak, but Kurt cuts him off.

“Look, before you start getting all fucking philosophical or whatnot, can we fuck first and talk later?”

Kurt turns toward the wall, bracing himself against it with his hands, and spreads his legs.

Sebastian rolls his eyes, but bites back his laugh.

“I’m not going to strip search you, Hummel. And are you sure you wouldn’t be more comfortable on the floor? I brought a blanket just for the occasion.”

Kurt looks over his shoulder at Sebastian, and then throws a look down at the hard, cold floor.

“Uh, a world of _no,”_ Kurt says, turning back to the wall.

Kurt doesn’t turn back around. He didn’t expect this. The interrogation is making him lose his nerve. He curls his hands into fists and waits. He hears Sebastian sigh.

“You know, could you compromise a little bit on something so I don’t feel like I’m fucking a hole in the wall?” Sebastian asks.

“Like…like what?” Kurt stammers. Kurt doesn’t see why this is so hard for Sebastian. He figures that all Sebastian needs from Kurt is to be breathing and have a pulse.

“Like let me undress you,” Sebastian whispers, reaching around Kurt and grabbing his pants, pulling them slowly down his legs.

“Um…okay,” Kurt relents, stepping out of his slacks when he feels them reach his ankles. Sebastian runs his fingers up the inside of Kurt’s legs when he stands, and despite his indifference to Sebastian and this entire situation, Kurt shivers. Kurt doesn’t watch Sebastian set his pants aside; he simply hopes that Sebastian has the sense to lay them out where they won’t get too wrinkled. Kurt doesn’t need anyone jumping to conclusions when they see him in wrinkled clothing, even if those conclusions are correct.

He feels Sebastian’s hands move to his shirt, undoing the buttons, starting from his collar and traveling down the length of his torso. Sebastian’s fingertips brush his skin lightly as his fingers move, and Kurt closes his eyes, letting himself enjoy, for a moment, being undressed for the first time by another boy. This little detail, this insignificant moment, becomes a bigger thing in Kurt’s head, the start of something emotional, and he forces his eyes back open to be rid of it.

No intimacy.

No emotion.

Means to an end.

Sebastian slips the shirt from Kurt’s shoulders and whisks it away, Kurt assumes, to wherever his pants have gone.

There Kurt stands, in his underwear and socks, ready for who-knows-what. It hasn’t escaped his attention that he has essentially given Sebastian all of the power here – Sebastian chose the spot, Sebastian has Kurt’s clothes, Sebastian’s fucking him. There is a lot more trust wrapped up in this venture than Kurt had counted on.

“Okay,” Kurt says, dispelling that thought, “you’ve undressed me.”

“Not entirely.” Sebastian slides a finger beneath the waistband of Kurt’s underwear and tugs.

“No,” Kurt says, uneasily.

“I don’t know what kinky pornos you’ve been watching, but my cock ain’t going in your ass unless these come off.”

“Well, not completely,” Kurt demands, “just down to my knees.”

“Fine,” Sebastian groans. “You know, you are the most uptight bitch I’ve ever fucked.”

“Well, you’re not fucking me yet,” Kurt gripes, “and that’s part of the problem.”

Sebastian pulls down Kurt’s boxer briefs, negotiating his surprisingly hard cock.

That is something Kurt hadn’t expected, either.

He didn’t think he could get aroused in a janitor’s closet, or in the presence of Sebastian Smythe. He hadn’t cared about that. It wasn’t necessary, either.

Kurt feels Sebastian’s lips close to his skin, skimming over his shoulders and neck, and decides that as long as Sebastian doesn’t try to kiss him on the lips, everywhere else is fair game.

Whatever Sebastian needs to get in the mood.

He hears what sounds like the snap of a flip-top lid, and an obscene squelching noise. Then a single finger presses its way between the crack of his ass.

“Whoa, wait, wait, wait,” Kurt cries, turning around and grabbing Sebastian’s hand. “What are you doing?”

“I’m fingering you,” Sebastian says, trying to shake Kurt’s hand away.

“I don’t…no,” Kurt objects, “just…no. Eww.”

“Kurt, it’s okay,” Sebastian says, his voice attempting to smooth out the edges, “I actually quite enjoy it.”

“But, I…no.” Kurt pants. The thought of Sebastian fingering him is actually exciting, but he can’t let him. Kurt falls so easily for the wrong people. He can’t let this one experience soften him. “Please, just…”

“I need to open you up a bit first, babe…” Sebastian keeps his fingers poised at Kurt’s entrance, “or else it’s really going to hurt.”

“I…I don’t care if it hurts,” Kurt admits. “I just want you to get it over with.”

Sebastian can hear the meek, scared boy past the bravado. It’s something that Sebastian doesn’t like to hear - not from Kurt, the Ice Queen. Not from Kurt, who’ll go toe to toe with him any day of the week. Not from Kurt, the strongest boy he knows, even if he’s never told him.

There are a lot of things Sebastian hasn’t told Kurt, but now is not the time.

Sebastian leaves Kurt for a moment to hunt down a condom, and he slips it on.

The rest is unremarkable.

Sebastian slathers his erection in as much lube as he can, nearly the entire bottle. As methodically as possible, he tries to enter Kurt without hurting him. He moves slowly, every inch forward bringing a hiss from Kurt’s lips, and Sebastian bites down on his lip to keep from berating Kurt for his stupidity, for not letting him open him up slowly, for not letting him do this his way.

Kurt is anxious, his heart unable to decide between slamming to a stop every time Sebastian moves, or running itself to exhaustion.

It hurts, just like Sebastian warned him it would. Every infinitesimal stretch burns. He feels like his body is being torn in two. It doesn’t help that Kurt can’t relax. He can’t visualize anything that will soothe the sting. There’s nothing that will make this easier and Sebastian sounds like he’s about to give up.

Sebastian manages to slip the head of his cock past the nearly impenetrable ring of muscle at Kurt’s entrance, and Kurt cries out in pain.

“You know,” Sebastian says, his own voice beginning to shake as he fights to not move any further, “that probably counts as losing your virginity, I think.” It’s lame, but it’s the best he can come up with considering the position he’s in. Kurt is tight – so tight that it’s almost painful for Sebastian, too. Sebastian remembers what his first time was like – sloppy and awkward and painful…so very painful.

He can definitely relate.

He doesn’t want that for Kurt, but he doesn’t get the chance to decide.

Kurt bites his lip – bites it hard. He digs his nails into his palms. He fills his body with as many distracting sensations as he can and then slams his body backward.

The scream that tears from his throat isn’t intentional. The intense stab of pain that fills his body is unbearable. It’s the agony of his body being pulled apart. If he could slip away to the cold floor and roll into a ball, he would. His knees buckle, and he feels himself slide forward.

Sebastian’s arm catches him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Kurt!” Sebastian scolds. “Why the fuck…you know, you could hurt something doing that!”

“D-don’t worry a-about me,” Kurt stutters, choking on tears, struggling to get his knees to hold him up again, eliminating the need for Sebastian’s arm to keep him steady.

“I’m talking about me, God dammit!” Sebastian groans, but it’s mostly a lie. It hurt. It definitely hurt, but memories of what it must have been like for Kurt flood his brain. He can feel Kurt’s abs clenching, his legs wobbling, his strength failing to return to his jelly-like limbs.

“Well,” Kurt says, his eyes squeezed shut, “I wouldn’t have had to do that if you would just move.”

“Kurt…” Sebastian wants to argue; he wants to make Kurt reconsider.

Kurt’s not here to lose his virginity. He’s there to torture himself, and for what?

Because Blaine is an ass?

Because Kurt was naïve?

Because he fell in love with the wrong person?

All of those can make someone feel like shit, but none of them are worth physical injury.

“What are you doing, Kurt?” Sebastian whispers. “Why are you doing this?”

“It’s…it’s none of your business,” Kurt says, crawling back up the wall, finding his footing again.

“None of my business?” Sebastian laughs. “I’m balls deep in your ass, and it’s none of my business?”

“That’s right, Smythe,” Kurt mutters, standing in roughly the same place as before. “It’s none of your business.”

“Fine, Kurt!” Sebastian says, grabbing Kurt’s hips before he can move again. “Be that way, but can you please let me…”

“Move,” Kurt grumbles, bucking back with his hips and growling when Sebastian keeps his body locked against him.

“Kurt…”

“I said _move_!”

Sebastian doesn’t say another word. There’s no reasoning with Kurt. Of course, he can pull out and leave Kurt here to deal with his pain alone, but he wouldn’t do that. He’s wanted Kurt for a while and this is probably the only chance he’s going to get.

Besides, now that the throb of having his cock painfully squeezed has subsided, Kurt feels too good to pass up.

Sebastian moves, and Kurt whimpers, but Sebastian ignores him.

He asked for this.

He wants it.

He moves in and out slowly, more gently than he might usually be, but he knows it still hurts.

Sebastian bites his lip and closes his eyes, tilting his head up to the ceiling.

This isn’t what he wanted with Kurt. This isn’t what he wanted at all.

When he heard about Blaine and his new man-meat, Sebastian thought he might actually have a chance.

Then when he got the text from Kurt, he let himself hope that Kurt wanted something different than revenge sex. Kurt Hummel is the epitome of romance. He wouldn’t just call Sebastian for a quick fuck in the boiler room, like everyone else.

Why did he even let himself believe that?

Sebastian reaches around Kurt’s body and grabs his cock, surprised that Kurt lets him. He moves his hand over it as quickly as he can, hoping to get this over with.

Kurt bites his lip raw. Sebastian fucking him hurts for a long time, and when it stops hurting, it’s just plain uncomfortable. Sebastian grabs his cock, and his whole body cries out for relief. He feels Sebastian’s hand start to falter, his hips begin to stutter, and all he can really bring himself to think is _Thank God_.

When he cums, it’s no big deal – it’s not fireworks and stars exploding behind his eyes. It’s just done. A physical reaction of his body to stimuli.

It’s over.

And just like that, his virginity is gone.

As soon as he finishes cumming, Sebastian pulls out carefully. He doesn’t ask Kurt how it was.

He already knows.

Kurt’s legs wobble, his knees knock together, weak from keeping himself upright, contorting through the pain.

Sebastian keeps an arm around Kurt’s stomach, trying to help, but Kurt grabs at his wrist and pushes him away. Sebastian steps back, putting on his clothes to avoid looking at Kurt, who is still bent double near the wall. By the time Sebastian finishes doing up his slacks, Kurt pulls up his boxer briefs. Sebastian grabs Kurt’s clothes and holds them out to him. When Kurt takes them and turns away to dress, Sebastian leaves the closet and stands outside the door, giving Kurt privacy.

The bell for sixth period rings and Sebastian hears Kurt rushing to hurry up. The doorknob turns, the door swings open, and Kurt walks out. Sebastian watches him try to take a step. His knee buckles but he catches himself. He takes another step, and then another. He brushes by Sebastian without acknowledging that he’s there - that he’s been there waiting - and heads for the stairs.

“So, that’s it?” Sebastian asks, surprised at how bitter he is about the whole thing. “Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am, and you’re out the door?”

“What do you want from me?” Kurt hisses, his hand plastered to the wall to keep from sliding to the floor.

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says, walking slowly toward Kurt, “maybe a thank you?”

Kurt sighs.

“Thank you,” he says. “Thank you for helping me get rid of the last thing that I cared about. Now I don’t need to care anymore.”

Kurt shoots up the steps, taking them two at a time, pushing past the pain and making it to the hallway above before Sebastian has a chance to follow.

“Fuck!” Sebastian barks, smacking his fist against the wall. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”

***

Kurt is a zombie for the next three days.

His ass hurts.

His legs hurt.

His head hurts.

His heart hurts.

But at least losing his virginity seems to have helped him build up a wall. It’s made him different - not stronger, per se, but more resilient. Now when he hears Blaine talk about Jeremiah with that saccharin-laced singsong voice of his, looking off dreamily with his moony hazel eyes, Kurt has a shield to hide behind.

He has no vulnerability left.

Sebastian took the last piece.

Took it, and disappeared, it seems.

Kurt and Sebastian have two classes together – French and English – and he still shows up there, of course, but he walks straight to the last row of chairs and tables and sits quietly where before he was always sending little obnoxious notes Kurt’s way (mostly made up of X-rated doodles and racy limericks).

Kurt found it annoying before, but now he misses them.

He doesn’t see Sebastian during lunch.

He doesn’t see him walking down the hall.

At Warbler practice, Sebastian stays as far away from Kurt as humanly possible without resorting to jumping out a window.

It shouldn’t bother Kurt. In fact, Sebastian keeping his distance should make getting past this easier.

But it does bother him, not because they had sex together.

Frankly, that part he wouldn’t mind forgetting, but because of all the other things – the concern in Sebastian’s voice, the fingertips on his skin, the arm around his waist that kept him standing even when his knees refused to help. Does he do that for everyone he fucks?

His rational brain says yes, but his heart says probably not, and it makes Kurt feel better to listen to his heart.

Two weeks go by before Sebastian comes out of the woodwork and talks to Kurt again.

Sebastian finds him having a coffee in the senior commons on Saturday night, after most of the boys have gone home, or to the movies, or in Blaine’s case, out on a weekend camping trip with his new boyfriend.

Kurt’s ass may have stopped hurting a while ago, but Blaine and Jeremiah – that still stings.

Sebastian drops down into a chair at his table and stares at Kurt in the most bothersome way possible.

“Are you lost?” Kurt asks with his eyes glued out the window.

“Nope,” Sebastian says and continues to stare.

Kurt sighs.

“I only ask because you seem to make it a point not to have anything to do with me, and here you are sitting at my table. So either you’re lost, or you’ve mistaken me for someone else.”

“Nope,” he says again, “and I wasn’t avoiding you. I was giving you some space.”

Kurt laughs.

“If that’s what you call it.” Kurt sighs and stands, preparing to retire to his room.

Sebastian stands, too, and grabs Kurt’s hand.

“Come on, Kurt,” Sebastian says, dragging him down the hall. “I need to show you something.”

“What? Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

They pass by Kurt’s room and further down the hall to a stairway that leads to the dorms a floor above. Sebastian pulls him halfway down the hall and stops at a door identical to his own. In fact, the room might be right above his. He’s not sure.

“Is this…your room?” Kurt asks.

“Yup.”

Kurt tilts his head while he watches Sebastian stick his key in the lock.

“I thought you didn’t bring guys to your room. I thought you didn’t like your room smelling like desperation.”

Sebastian shrugs.

“For you, I’ll make an exception.”

Kurt rolls his eyes and Sebastian opens the door.

The room is dark, lit from within by two large, pillar candles, almost the size of dinner plates, with five wicks a piece lit in their centers. The room smells like warm vanilla, and Kurt suspects the candles must be scented.

His eyes sweep the room, adjusting to the low light, picking out strange shapes and silhouettes crowded all around. His eyes widen when he sees that the shapes are vases and bowls, each one filled with roses – red roses, white roses, lilac roses, yellow roses. They’re lying across his desk, positioned on every small end table and dresser. Petals are scattered across the floor, leading to the bed where even more petals lay scattered.

Kurt takes a step back but Sebastian grabs his arm and pulls him forward, leading him inside the room. He closes the door, and with the sounds from the hallway shut out Kurt can hear a low string of music playing – some sort of soft, but not cheesy, jazz.

It’s cozy.

It’s romantic.

It’s perfect.

It’s infuriating.

“What is this?” Kurt says in a voice that falls short of the anger he feels.

“I did this for you, Kurt,” Sebastian says, hoping it was obvious.

“Why are you doing this?” Kurt asks, not sure why he feels offended, but he kind of does, even though this is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him.

“Because, it didn’t feel right,” Sebastian admits, “the way I took your virginity…”

“But isn’t that what you do?” Kurt asks, trying to keep his eyes from staring at the room full of roses – beautiful, fragrant roses lining every conceivable surface.

“Yeah, I guess.” Sebastian runs his hand up into his hair and looks down at his feet, obviously uncomfortable, maybe even ashamed. “But you’re…different, Kurt. You’re special.”

Kurt turns in a circle, taking one last look at the room before turning on Sebastian.

“When did you decide that?” Kurt asks. “I thought you were working your way through the senior class. I thought I was the ass that was going to be hardest to get. I mean, I was just a trophy for you. Just like everyone else.”

“You’re not just a trophy,” Sebastian argues, “and you’re not like everyone else.”

“Wh-why didn’t you tell me that before?” Kurt narrows his eyelids, glaring at Sebastian, trying to see past the lies.

“Because you didn’t want to listen,” Sebastian says simply. “I could have said it, but you wouldn’t have believed me, just like you don’t believe me now.”

Kurt sighs. He’s not quite as bitter about everything now. Instead, he’s really confused.

“Look,” Sebastian says, taking Kurt’s hand and holding it gently. “I know what you wanted when you came to see me in the boiler room, but I feel like I _took_ your first time. Would you _give_ me your second? Please?”

Kurt looks down at Sebastian’s hand holding his, watches the shadows dance along their skin. Here, in the dark, it’s hard to tell them apart, one from the other.

“And it doesn’t have to be tonight,” Sebastian continues, “if you don’t want to. We can just sit and talk and…”

Kurt leans in and presses his lips against Sebastian’s, silencing him with a kiss. It’s an attempt, and knowing how important it is to Kurt, Sebastian lets him take it – he doesn’t overpower him or overwhelm, he doesn’t take over. They can share a hundred kisses tonight, if that’s what Kurt wants, but this one is for Kurt, so he lets Kurt take this moment and define perfect.

Kurt steps away from Sebastian, letting go of his hand. Sebastian’s heart sinks as he watches him back away toward the door. But Kurt takes only a single step…toward the candles. With a shy smile, he blows out the pillar candles one at a time, and all at once, the room goes dark.


End file.
